Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Penny the Psycho Cat

This is Penny about to claw your face off.
Isn't she cute? :D
After a few years of having two cats, the family decided that getting a kitten would be fun. Kittens are cute, cuddly, an fun to play with, yes?
Well, not always.

A farm cat belonging to some church friends had just had a litter of five kittens, three male, two female. We decided on the female who had been temporarily named Runt. Yes, we picked another runt, like Thomas. But this time, we at least knew the mother of the kitten, and the mother was sweet as could be.

 As soon as the kittens were eating kitten food, we took little Runt home, and named her Penny (Because who the hell wants to love with a name like "Runt"?). She soon received the nickname "Mouse" due to her squeaky little voice, gray fur, and  because she runs around like crazy vermin.
 Penny Mouse made it very clear that even though she was tiny, she would not be intimidated by the other cats. She liked to poof out her kitten fluff and run at the other cats sideways, and trying to hiss.
She was soooooo tinyyy and cuuute. :D She'd sometimes get lost in the house, and we'd have to send out a search party. We'd all call for her, until someone would finally hear her teeny leetle squeaks coming from a little basket, or a dark corner.
 Penny liked to play with other cats. Well...perhaps "play" is not the right word. More like "torment". She loved chasing Mandy around.  We decided to get another kitten to get Penny away from Mandy. The cat needed a cat.

And thus, for my 12th birthday, I got Socks. Penny decided Socks was her best friend, and terrorized him to her heart's content. She would chase after him joyously/ruthlessly. Until he grew bigger than her. Then he chased her joyously/ruthlessly. Ehehehehehehe. Karma.

Penny developed a fascination for dark, cave-like places, and feet. She'd sit in the dark hall bathroom, and watch people's feet as they walked by.

 She likes to pretend to be all lovey and snuggly, and then turn on you, and scratch your face.
If you catch her doing something naughty, and lightly swat her, she will run to the darkness of the bathroom, and plot her revenge. She will sit in the darkness, looking sinister until you walk by. She will wait forever if she has to. When you finally come innocently walking by, completely forgetting that there's a possibility that you may be the next victim of the Biting Clawing Foot Attack.
 Penny senses your approach. Her ear twitches in anticipation. Slowly, a foot....OHHH THE FOOT...comes into view. She prepares to strike, waiting for just the right moment. She dashes out, biting and clawing up the foot. She delights in the screams of her victim. And then, as quickly as she appeared, she vanishes back into the darkness, savoring the sweet taste of revenge.

Penny Mouse also has a strange obsession with licking material. It doesn't really matter what it is. It could be curtains, someone's shirt, a sheet, a purse...anything. She extends her paw, and sticks a single claw through the desired material. She draws it to her face, and......*lick....lick....lick*
It's kinda REALLY gross and creepy.
Sometimes she just sticks her claw into things for the fun of it. She'll poke it through a window screen, and just hang there. She'll stick one claw into my fiance's leg, and enjoy his pain (Poor guy. My parents want us to take Penny with us when we get married. They wanna get rid of her, surprise, surprise).

Penny, of course, has to like SOMEONE. That someone is me. She never sticks a claw in me, or suddenly turns on me. I can get my face all up in her grill, and she doesn't really mind (If anyone else tries this, they will likely lose an eye) and she likes to sit on me every morning and power-purr.
She also really likes my sister, Jenni, despite having been tormented by her for years. Jenni likes to mess with Penny, and make her all growly (This is not hard. You hardly have to do anything.) and pet her, and make her all happy. This results in Penny growling and purring at the same time. Penny actually likes it though. She will sit in Jenni's lap, growling and purring. It's weird. O.o

Creepy Mouse stares into your soul.
But you can't stare back into hers.

She's sitting in my lap right now, watching what I type about her. I think she's going to sit here until I wrote something nice about her. She will wait forever if she has to. All right Penny, I'll do it, if it gets you off of me.

 Despite sticking claws into people and eating their feet, Penny actually does care about the welfare of the humans in her life. If she hears someone screaming (Because they saw a bug, are laughing really hard, or are being chased around the house by mom, who is singing) she will come running, and love all over them and try to make them feel better. We tested this out by going into different rooms and screaming. Penny almost always came.
 If Jenni or I get sick, Penny stays in bed with the sicko, and snuggles them, and sleeps on them. (Cute if it's a cold or something. Bad if it's the stomach flu. Penny likes to sit on stomachs.)

 Awww, she's purring on me. And grabbing my arm. Clearly the kind words have appeased the Vermin. Now get off me, you pushy broad. It's hot enough without a fat Mouse sitting on my stomach. I got her off, and she walked across my keyboard, refreshing the page. Fortunately, Blogger auto-saves drafts.

Wednesday, April 06, 2011

Mandy: And Then There Were Two

On of the few good pictures of Mandy.
She hates cameras, and loves to foil any
photo attempt.

Approximately three years after we got Thomas, it was decided that the family needed another cat. My parents decided to surprise my younger sister, Jenni, and adopt a cat for her birthday. Our dad picked out a cute little gray striped kitten.
All of us were thrilled with the new kitty, and immediately sat down to decide on a name for her. Jenni liked Mara. Nobody else did, and thought that name sounded weird and yucky, so everybody quickly began suggesting similar names, and we all agreed on Mandy.

Mandy was a little shy at first, but she warmed up to us, particularly Jenni and I. We did EVERYTHING with Mandy.
We had tea parties, we watched TV with her (Dora the Explorer was her favorite) we put her in a little plastic shopping cart and pushed her around the house, trained her to sit in a doll's high chair for treats, and even played board games with her (Mandy would sometimes move her own piece by slapping it around the board).
Mandy LOVED it.

One her favorite things to play with was marbles. We had a whole jar full of glass marbles, and we'd dump some out and watch her play with them. Sometimes she would get bored of playing with it in one room, so she'd pick it up in her mouth and trot into another room to play there.
  Thomas would sit and watch the marble game with a regal and dignified expression, looking as though he considered marble games beneath him. One day, though, he decided that, as Mandy played it so often, it might actually be fun, and worth a try. He selected a deep blue marble, and began batting it joyously about the hallway. Because Thomas was so large (He weighed about twenty-five pounds. O.o), and usually concentrating on looked kingly and dignified, he looked really stupid skipping gleefully through the hallway with a marble.
He looked even more stupid when he ran head first into a wall.
He never touched another marble again. Mandy again had aaaallll the marbles to herself.

One year, my family planned a big ol' month-long trip. One week from Texas to California, two weeks in California visiting family, staying in my grandparent's mobile home, and doing touristy things, and then one week back. Dad would be traveling separately, as he could only get two weeks off of work. There was no way Mandy could stand to be separated from her beloved girls for a whole month, so Dad would board Thomas (Who couldn't stand trips) and take Mandy with him when he drove out to join us.
Mandy didn't like the trip so much, but she was delighted to be with Jenni and I again, after a whole week apart.  We couldn't bring her shopping cart with us, so we settled for spinning her around in a spinny chair, and running around with string for her to chase.
And at night, Mandy would play one of her favorite games: Slam the Kitchen Cabinets Repeatedly.
She'd hook her claws around the cabinet door, pull it open a bit, and then - *BANG!*. And again, *BANG BANG BANGITY BANG*
And never just one cupboard. She'd go  around the whole kitchen, and slam ALL of them, so none of them would feel left out. God forbid a cupboard feel left out.

After a few years, she finally stopped slamming the cupboards (Ah, blessed silence! LOL/JK. This house is rarely silent) and decided to adopt a more sedentary lifestyle. We call her "The Blob" or "The Galloping Hippo", in the event that she decides to gallop around the house. She prefers to sit, and watch life go by her. Or trip over her. Mandy's fur is the special magic blend of muted grays that allow her to camouflage anywhere. Carpet, sofa, bed or shelf. She manages to blend with it all.

Mandy never gets sick, and will probably be one of those cats that lives forever. Which nobody would mind, since she never does anything aside from sitting in her high chair for treats and love, and occasionally trying to shove people off of chairs, or out of bed.
And howling at people. O.o Mandy howls in a most disturbing manner.

Oh, I feel deliciously evil right now. Here is a picture of Mandy that will haunt you for the rest of your days.

I had a terrible time getting this picture where I wanted it. It kept jumping up to the kitchen paragraph, and refused to come down. Sort of like Mandy, when she finds a ladder.